My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
