shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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