Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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