More tranny stories later!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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