I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize