So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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