I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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