Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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