I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
