I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
