Im at strip club and am horny
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
