Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
