I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
