I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
