My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
