I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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