I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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