whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
