so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
