better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
