she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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