i think my tv is drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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