he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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