I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
