YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
