Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I didn't notice because vodka
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
