Fuck appropriateness.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize