dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
