1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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