Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
