at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
