Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
