The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
