I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry about my life...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
