I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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