Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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