Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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