i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
