she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
