So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
