Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
