i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize