i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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