i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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