I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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