i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
