dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
