if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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