you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
