Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
