fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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