i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
