dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
