Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was CRYING into my vagina
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize