Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
People in love make me want to vomit
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
