I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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