Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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