i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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