life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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