I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had sex on a dog bed..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
