My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
