when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
