In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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