dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
