You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
