I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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