I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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