apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
