First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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