Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
