booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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