We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
