I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
