maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
