i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
