There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
