i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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