I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize