Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
