my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
