forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
