I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
